I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
