My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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