so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
