I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
