It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
