so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
