you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
