I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
