Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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