Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize