Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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