went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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