All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
