Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
