We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
