I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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