I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
