I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
