you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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