Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
