if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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