i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
