So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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