We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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