I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize