my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am spending my child support on dildos
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
