you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
