How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
