but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
