I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
