Do you still have your period?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize