WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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