It's just like the Real World with babies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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