I want to make a zoo with you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
