got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
