I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
