Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
