you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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