I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
