i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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