You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
