Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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