omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
