He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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