I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
