He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
