Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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