he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize