you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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