do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
