I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
