There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
