Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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