so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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