dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
