Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
