I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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