i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
