why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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