New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
