You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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