he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize