Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
