Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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