In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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