Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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