More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
