literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
