do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
