Where did you get a picture of my penis
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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