omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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