why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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