We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
