There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
