And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
